I’ve been asked that question multiple times since I turned 5 years short of the big 4-0. And today is of no exemption. I could make a perfect Bingo card blackout for every greeting of this kind:
“Happy birthday girl! When are you getting married?”
Frankly, it’s never really bothered me that I’m single and so are my parents. While they wished for my happiness with someone, they are still highly supportive of my current civil status.
Now, I wouldn’t think about it until this conversation with an older friend happened,
“Magpray ka kasi (You pray) for your life partner and be sincere about it.”
“Teh, nagapray man ako (Big sis, I’ve been praying) for a faithful man and husband.”
“I mean be specific ba. What does he look like? How old is he? Ano kanya (What are) characteristics? Kasi Baka binigay na sya ni Lord sayo (Because the Lord may already have given him to you) but you’re just blind to His answer because the guy wasn’t up to your standards.”
Well… she does have a point. I do pray fervently for a good man who has a strong faith in God and is the marrying kind. But I haven’t really thought about going to the “specifics”. You see I could be subconsciously influenced by the countless movies and romance series wherein the girl ends up with the guy she didn’t long for. So I simply surrendered to the idea that maybe I’d end up with someone I didn’t exactly wish for.
Then one day a video crossed my newsfeed on Facebook, featuring the gorgeous Ms. Lucy Torres-Gomez, a well-known Filipina celebrity, accomplished politician, and wife to matinee idol Richard Gomez. She was speaking in front of a crowd during an election campaign gathering in her hometown of Leyte. And she addressed the single ladies in the audience and shared how she ended up marrying a heartthrob.
“Ladies, be specific in your prayer for a good husband. When I prayed, I said to God that may He grant me a good man who looks like Richard Gomez but with the kindness of my father.”
Ms. Lucy continued that she only asked for a look-a-like because she didn’t know Richard personally and didn’t know what his attitude was off-cam. In the end, she ended up marrying him and they had a wonderful marriage that ladies could wish for.
Interesting… that got me into thinking again. What “specifics” do I really want for my spouse?
After some careful deliberation, I have come up with a list:
1. He should be like my dad – kind, a man of integrity, caring, a supportive spouse, and a hands-on family man.
2. He can do domestic work with me and not complain about it. I want to set an example to our future kids that maintaining a good and functional home is not delegated to one gender only.
3. Further into domestic duties, it is a must that he knows how to cook. Not just for my sake but also for our would-be family. He should be able to ensure our kids are well-fed and provide healthy meals whatever that means.
4. He should have a healthy relationship with his family. A man’s family values can be seen in how he treats his parents and siblings. And of equal importance, he should also be respectful towards my family. That’s the thing about being married to an Asian, you don’t just marry one person… you marry the entire clan.
5. While I don’t require him to be a rocket scientist genius, I expect him to be intellectually compatible with me. He should also value having a good education and believe in lifelong learning.
6. Further, he should like cats or animals in general. Having a pet is a big possibility in our future household, and I would like my husband to also treat them as family.
At the end of the day, what I truly prayed for my spouse with all my heart is for him to have genuine love, respect, and acceptance of me. Someone who honors a lifelong commitment and is not afraid to protect our marriage and family. With these, I conclude my spouse’s specifics.
P. S. Would it be too much if he should be a Kim Nam Gil or an Osric Chau look-a-like? I mean, just putting out my suggestions Lord as per Ms. Lucy’s advice.
ladyveilchen writes 